Friday, August 17, 2012

One Month Post

Happy Anniversary, Face!

I think my doctor also performed a
"crazy eyes" procedure.
It's so hard to believe it's been a month already, face. If this were a normal relationship, we'd be going out to eat more and you'd still pick me up at the airport.

I haven't seen much improvement lately. Other people tell me they see it. I've been looking at my old face in my Facebook profile. Why did we break up again? Oh, right. You were smothering me – literally.

To celebrate I had a nice breakfast. I started with a smoothie, and then had some eggs. I'm eating well and not losing weight. I may have even gained some. Maybe my face will get me a heart-shaped box of pureed chocolates and I can really pack on the lbs.

Every day, I try to get out of the house and walk around a bit. I don't really have dizziness. Unless I put my head back and turn it to the left. Luckily, I don't walk that way – unless I'm carrying a boombox and trying to look cool.

Hi, old face. You look good.
How have you been? Want
 to get coffee sometime?


So, allegedly I'm doing really well and am not as swollen as most people are at this point in recovery. But trust me – I'm swollen. My speech is understandable, but my not-very-pliable lips make me sound muffled. As soon as I talk, people know there's something wrong with me. I'm not sure if they could tell that just by looking at me.

The other weird thing is that when I wake up. My lips are fused to my braces – like fat thighs to lawn furniture – or a Play Doh Fun Factory. I have to pry them loose before I can talk or it hurts. I wonder if I pressed my lips against a newspaper, if they could transfer a comic strip.

Have I mentioned that I want to get better immediately or that I reeaaaaally want to be able to feel my lower lip? What are the medical benefits of whining?

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