This Doesn't Suck. It Bites!It's here! It's here! No, reader. Not the Shake Weight® you ordered from Amazon. The day when I can chew again! It's here. My mom made pancakes and my sister cooked up some crispy bacon.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to use my jaw. But being scared hasn't helped me at all so far. Sometimes you just have to go for it if you want to move forward. So I did. And just for you, my dear reader, I recorded it. Here are my first bites...
I'd read on other blogs that people experienced numbness in their teeth. I didn't think I had that. I tapped them a few times with my fingernail and thought, "Seems ok to me." Nope. My teeth are definitely numb. It was like chewing with dentures. It felt weird. Also, instead of food smearing all over my two front teeth, it got all jammed up in the gutter along my cheeks under my molars (in the buccal sulcus just in case my graduate school professors read this and worry that I've forgotten everything.)
The bacon was a no-go. Way too crunchy.
Lunch Day on Chewsday, Day 1
While we were out, we stopped at a restaurant for lunch. I was very nervous, because I had not eaten out in a month and a half. Eating in public?! Luckily, the place was empty. Phew. But I didn't have anything with me – no baby spoon, no tweezers, no mirror, no toothbrush, no syringe. I got the elastics off with my fingers, but had to throw them away because I knew there was no getting them back on without tweezers. The restaurant also only had giant soup spoons which did not fit in my mouth. I had clam chowder (but that didn't work) and mashed potatoes (which I was able to lick from the spoon). We also had cake and peanut butter pie. Ok, reader. Up until now, I've been dutifully reading labels and rejecting yogurt that had 12 grams or more of sugar. But I buried my face in those desserts and did not come up until they were gone. Yum. Holy crud. I then ordered a warm water, heavily salted it, and flushed my mouth for 10 minutes in the men's room. A to-go box worth of food clung to the sink. In the end I was over-reacting. (Shocker). It all went fine.
For dinner, my sister made Chicken Ollie. Not sure if I got that name right. But it's a chicken breast cooked with orange juice and grapes and other stuff over rice. It was really good. I ate it the old fashioned way. Everyone was done about 30 minutes before me, but I got through it. Delicious. Who knew mastication could be so much work?! Oh, reader, I'm disappointed. Look it up.