Friday, December 28, 2012

Day 164

First of all, dear reader. You're welcome. I was going to be lazy and not calculate the "days since" my surgery. But then I found this little online gem that did the work for me. Phew!

Ok, so, what the what?! I abandoned you. Didn't I, reader? You're feeling lost and all alone. You've developed trust issues. You changed your name to "Shardonnée" and tell people you're a "dancer." What have I done to you?! My apologies.

Life has been a little, um, unstable since September. So this blog went on the back burner. No. Not even there. It was off the stove – in a tupperware – in the back of the fridge – with mold on it.

So what's the update? Dr. Murthy told me that I may get my braces off by March. (Woo hoo!!)

I've actually just started dating again. (Refer to earlier statement about September.) And as a orthodontic-American this is uncharted territory. So far, so good. I won't go into too many details, but I did go on a date with another "brace face". FYI, we did not get locked together as urban folklore would suggest. (At some point, however, I may just have to divulge more. The stories are just too good.)

Over the past few months, feeling has sort of returned to my lower lip and chin. It doesn't feel normal, but it isn't numb. It tingles when I touch it. When I walked around it felt like I had a chin strap on. I  figured I'd probably get used to it eventually, but I didn't like it. In the past couple days, however, I've noticed more improvement. So I remain hopeful. I'm considering acupuncture. I'll keep you informed.

Future plans

I still have to decide if I'm going to do my rhinoplasty and septoplasty. I'd like to have a completely functional nose and a matching set of nostrils. But, I'm leery. Surgery was semi-traumatic. I realize this one would be less so, but still. Also, in light of my recent move (again refer back to my comments about September), I'm not sure I can afford it. But it's my face, so, well... maybe.

Updates of this blog will still come for a little while – but only when I have appointments, etc. Aw, reader. Don't be like that. I can't update every day anymore. I feel like the absentee divorced dad who doesn't show up on birthdays. I'll be around, little buddy. Your mother and I still love you.

In Unrelated News

Who is watching Catfish? Could it be any better?! Thank God for Heather at Dr. Murthy's office. She gives me a new show every time I go. I've gotten five friends addicted to Catfish already. They ask when I have an orthodontist appointment just so they can get an update on shows to watch. (I'm not kidding.) Thank you, Heather.

Here's what I need you to do, reader. Watch Catfish the show, first. Get addicted. Then, watch Catfish the movie. When Nev gets out of bed wearing red briefs, prepare to laugh your fool head off/ poop your pants. I'm serious. It's worth it. I swear!! Just be sure to follow the order of those steps. Thanks, reader. You're the best.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Day 89

I'm alive!

Reader, you probably thought the worst! Did his jaw fall off? Where have I been? Well, my life was been a little nutty. It has been turned upside down – literally!! Ok, not literally. But it does punctuate the sentence nicely. My life has been turned upside down – figuratively! Yeah, not the same.

I met with my surgical team on Thursday. Dr. Kaban told me I have a "stiff upper lip." Ok, that one is literally true. He also told me that I may experience improvement in sensation for up to a year and a half. I found reassurance in that.

Yesterday, I actually felt more numb. I also had  drooling and dribbling events. Are you kidding me?!?! I remain hopeful.


I asked the nurse for the x-rays taken right after surgery. I'm very excited to have them. I love the floating screws in my jaw. (Although my self-diagnosed OCD makes me wish they were neatly lined up.) I want to print this one and put use it as a Halloween decoration. Good idea, right?

In the second one, look at those gorgeous, luscious, ghostly lips. BUT GET THIS, READER. I told her my secret wish is that I had pictures during the surgery. 

"Oh, we have pictures from during the surgery." 

What the what?!?!?! Yes, reader. I have pictures of me during my surgery. They are unbelievable. I have a photo of my upper teeth lying unaffiliated in the middle of my mouth. 

I also have pictures of my mouth stretched to resemble a bowling ball bag. And I have a picture of my adorable chin... without any skin on it.

And, yes, I am dying to post all of them, but figure I probably shouldn't. I'll mull. Add a comment if you have an opinion one way or the other.

Sorry, I've missed so many posts. I might try to put together a collage and pre-date it. Thanks for the welcome back reader. You're a doll – literally.  

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Day 64

Are You Better Off Now Than You Were 4 Years Months Ago?

A recurring theme in these orthognathic blogs is, "Am I happy I did it? If I had it to do over, would I still do it?" Overwhelmingly, people say, "Yes." I've been on the fence. In particular, I've been stressed about regaining feeling in my lower lip. I was warned that due to my "advanced age" (rude) that I may not get back full feeling. The idea of never feeling my lower lip again is upsetting to me. The idea of never being able to kiss? It seems unfathomable. And it's not just that I can't feel my lip. I don't know where it is. (Yes, reader, I'll look where I last saw it.) I just mean, it's hard to even kiss someone on the cheek – with the right pressure, to not miss, to not leave a mess. It's a big price tag in my opinion and one I wasn't sure I'd pay given a second chance.

The Good News

Guess what I ate today, reader. Nilla Wafers! I used to grind them up for my puree desserts and now I can eat them normally. Pretty cool.

I still see improvements still in my face. The swelling is still there. Still asymmetrical. I still sound muffled when I talk (and it still feels effortful for talk.) But it's getting there. The other day I was on the bus (feeling a bit crabby) and I thought to myself, "My mouth is closed." It was a little blessing. I couldn't close my mouth for so many weeks. In that moment, I was grateful that my mouth was closed. 

And I'm happy to report that I definitely feel more of my lip now. It's creeping in slowly. Keep creeping little nerves. Keep creeping.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Day 62

A friend invited me out to Smith & Wollensky for dinner. I had salmon. Delicious. I was, however, still disgusting while I ate. I really am looking forward to no more braces.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Day 60

Tiny bits of feeling are popping up in my lip and chin. Nothing dramatic, but definite, small improvements.

Today was weird. I started doing some work this morning and just saw that it's past 9:00pm. I never ate, never spoke, never moved from the couch. I just worked all day. The day went by in a blink. It made me realize I need to be more aware – of my diet and jaw stretching.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Day 59

"Dang, baby, you puffy as a Cheez Doodle!"

The overwhelming reaction to my face – besides "Mr. Gyllenhaal?" – is "You look the same. Just puffy."

Yeah. Yeah. Still puffy. Thanks, world. That reflective surface in my bathroom doesn't do enough to remind me that my face is still swollen. Thank you. Thank you.


Pains continue in my chin and around my lips. Lots of tingling too. Hoping that means that I can expect more feeling.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Day 58


Tonight, I attended a talk at my graduate school. I enjoyed it, but the highlight was seeing my professors and a few classmates who also attended.

They served some... um, cross-sectioned, rolled-up, wrap sandwiches. Oh, reader. I know there's some word for that. I don't have the energy Рcanapé? roulade? You get the idea. There were also platters of a zillion different desserts.

Funnily, people see me eat and say, "So, you're fine. You can eat normally. Great." In reality, though, I didn't go near the sandwiches. I can't open my mouth that far yet. (Instead, I just open my eyes really wide like that will help.) I ate several small desserts – yum. Countdown to becoming really fat again has already begun. I'm back on the sugar hard, reader.


During the talk, by the way, I started to get shooting pains all though my face. I've not really had pain at all in my face. It really started to hurt. Dull stabbing pains in my poor broken, puffy face.

My classmates and I went out to Tavern on the Water for beers and chat. It was great to reconnect. They're really smart and funny. I needed that. I had a beer. I needed that, too.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Day 57

Look at those puffy cheeks!

Today, I had an out-of-school training. So I ate lunch on a park bench by the entrance. I'm still very self-conscious eating in front of strangers, but it went fine.

Once More with Feeling

This morning I felt some pangs of pain in my lips and cheeks. Hoping that means things are waking up. I do feel the tiniest bit of feeling in the middle of my lower lip. It's not functional, but I'm happy about it. Some feeling may be creeping into my chin too.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Day 56

Visited my old school to help orient the new speech therapist and pass over some files. The staff thought I looked the same although a few people thought my profile looked different.

I'm clearly still "puffy." (That was the word of the day.) You can also see that I'm still asymmetrical too.

OH! I almost forgot. This was the day when I hoped I'd look and sound normal. Well, not quite. I feel like I've been ahead of the curve for most of my healing, but maybe things are slowing down.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Day 55

Blogs are much easier to maintain when you're lying on the couch recovering. Now that I'm back to work everything is much more hectic. And I'm not even seeing students yet! I'll save the work drama for my other blog, "Why I quit Speech Pathology" (Due October 2012).


I'm still really dizzy when I lie down. At night, when I roll over, the room spins wildly and I (really) have to hold on. It's unpleasant.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Day 54

You Going to Trim Those?

"Self," I said. "There aren't enough up-my-nose pictures available on the internet." Soak in the glory, reader. The point of this was to show you my much easier elastics. Nutty, huh?


Also, you can still see that my upper midline looks off. I'm still swollen so I'm trying not to sweat it.

Poor Lips

My lips are sore – all the time. I lube them up, but they are sore. I wonder if I'm eating too much sodium.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Day 53 - Numbness Map 2

I'm so glad I did my first numbness map so I could compare. Definite improvements. I am very determined to get my lower lip back. I'd like to get my chin back too, but numb beggars can't be numb choosers.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Day 52

New Elastics

Went to see Dr. Murthy. He told me on a previous visit that I'd prefer his elastics over the ones my surgeon gave me, "They're easier." He also told me that in a month, I'll hit the magic three month point. That's when everything will be "stable." We'll do x-rays (for my 73rd dose of radiation to my brain) and remove the wire with surgical hooks. We'll also come up with the timeline to finish me up (read: Get rid of my braces!!!)

My midlines are looking better. The upper is off 1mm (instead of 2). But I'm cool with it. It may improve, but I don't look cockeyed anymore.

As for the new elastics? They now go from the inside of my teeth to the outside (to correct a new crossbite) and from the way back to the front. They are officially not easier.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Day 51 - Students Return

Students Return to Schoo'

The students returned and none of them said I looked weird. They definitely noticed though.

I still sound like I'm talking with a handkerchief in my mouth. That's funny for a speech therapist. Oh, well. I guess I'll work with the students on something other than articulation for a few months.

A friend invited me out to dinner, which was perfect timing. We went to a place called TRADE. It's good. I had rigatoni with lamb and it was delicious. My friend took a bite – two rigatonis on a fork. That was hilarious to me because I cut each piece of pasta into 3-4 bites. (My mouth is still a mail slot.) But it's so nice to eat in public and drink from actual glasses. The chocolate-hazelnut cake was also good. I better be careful not to pack that 30 lbs back on. There was one lady who watched me intently as I ate. I don't think she could figure out exactly what was wrong with me. Drink it in, patron.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Day 50

Cello Strings, Phantom Hairs, and Second Fingers

The faint throbbing of nerves in my lips has come back – the cello strings as I like to call them. Occasionally, I also have a single point of pain above my lips. No complaints about pain – any feeling is good.

If I touch the side of my nose, I feel a long phantom hair on my cheek. I obsessively try to find it – brush it away. But it is simply nerve damage. Nerve damage saying, "Is that a hair? Is it? That was definitely a hair. You get it yet?"

There is one other one weird thing I've felt for awhile. If I brush my upper lip with my finger, I feel a nonexistent "second finger" doing the same thing under my eye. It's creepy, but addictive. I do it a lot. Um, all day. Don't judge, reader.

Also, today I was sure I had feeling spreading over more of my lower lip. (I have a spot of feeling on the right side.) Just to be sure I held up my mirror and brushed my lip with the edge of the ziplock bag from my lunch. Nope. I could see it touching, but I felt nothing. I think I feel something when I touch with my finger, so maybe I have more feeling deeper in my lip – not so much on the surface.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Day 49

Back to School

Today was my first day back to work. No kids yet. They return Thursday. The day started with a two-hour meeting. (Ack.) And lots of colleagues looking at me oddly. They thought I had a tooth pulled or something. Honestly, I was suddenly-puffier again today.

Setting up my classroom involved a lot of furniture moving and bending over to look around/ under stuff. That still triggers my dizziness. The set-up is mostly done though.

I'll admit I was tired. I missed my couch. What was the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, up to? Did she miss me? Would it be weird to introduce reality TV into speech therapy? Ugh. School Tom is going to come back. Isn't he? He's no fun.

Day 48

Happy Labor Day

Spent the afternoon in Portsmouth, NH. It's a great town. The brewery there is a lot of fun.

Looking at my picture, there's some puffiness and it looks like some effort to have my lips close, but I felt normal. I had moments when I was not aware of my face at all. That's new. Usually my face feels heavy. I feel the weight of it. Today, though, it felt normal. I even ate a burger and fries. Not too shabby. Maybe my goal of "Normal by Day 56" isn't that far off!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Day 47

Off to Maine

Two old friends from DC invited me to Maine. I was a little nervous about debuting my face out on the town. 

When my friend, Mike, picked me up, he told that me he had orders to leave me on the side of the road if I looked too messed up. I guess I passed the test.

Let me just say, "Holy crap. What a difference each day makes!" When we got to the house, we were all hungry so we stood around the kitchen snacking. I had a hot dog (bunless and sliced, but a hot dog) and a Little Debbi Nutty Bar (dismantled into individual peanut butter strata). 

It was very... normal. It was great.

We also had drinks. The bar did not have a plastic cup, so I drank from a glass. After each sip, I dabbed my lips with a cocktail napkin. (Too bad I wasn't wearing a searsucker suit and sipping a mint julep for full effect.) The good news is, No messes! If I had a little "moisture" in the crease between my chin and lip, someone would signal me. But it was really no big deal.

In unrelated to my face news, can I just tell you that we went to see Sally Structhers in 9 to 5? Did you get that reader? Can you process all that? I can't. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Those Lips! Those Pillowy Lips

Day 46

You Almost Look Normal

Swelling continues to recede. My cheeks are still asymmetrical, you can even see it in my chin, which looks tipped to one side (like a rakish fedora).

Bumps, Tags, and Lumps

Oh reader, why do I subject us both to these things? I decided to get my little flashlight and "poke around in there." My sutures are gone so far as I can tell. I notice that I have a ridge in my cheeks – like an impression the perfect shape of my teeth. I also have this on the inside of my lower lip. It's like my less swollen face became flabby Play Doh. It's ugly. Add that to the list. Won't you, reader? Luckily, the bumps are mostly hidden.

The real drag is that I bite the inside of my cheeks when I eat and it HURTS. Like jump out of your seat hurts. Why couldn't that part of my face be numb? Oh well. I'm not going to complain about the side affects of less swelling. We're moving in the right direction. And we're moving... and we're moving...

Friday, August 31, 2012

Day 45

My lips are definitely shrinking and I can close my mouth more reliably. Would love to be mostly back to normal by the time school starts. I will have new students and I don't want them to cry when they see me.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Day 44

Chewing Ain't All That

Bought Honey Nut Cheerios today thinking they'd be easy to get down once they'd soaked in milk. Nope. I couldn't fit them into the piggy bank slot called my mouth. My upper teeth just push them off the spoon like a janitor's broom. (If a janitor's broom also spilled milk down your chin.) My doctors haven't given me exercises to widen my mouth yet, so I'm not going to try. (I'm very compliant.)

Your Lips Can be Used as a Flotation Device

While brushing my teeth today, I noticed that the inside of my lower lip was... weird. It looked flabby. I realized that the swelling has probably gone down – making it look like a deflated tire. I wonder when I write on the board at school if my lips will flap like the underside of some teacher's arms.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Day 43

This picture of me and my doppelganger is for my friend, Wendy. Unfortunately,
the polka dot bow I was wearing that day got cut off in the picture. Bummer. 

These pictures are from the antique shops I went to with my family. It was a lot of fun. I'm well-equipped for Halloween this year. (Besides my built-in mask.) Notice how asymmetrical my swelling is? My right side (your left) is really puffy. Could be all the sugar and/or the fact that I've started sleeping lying down.  

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Day 42 - 6 Weeks Post

This Doesn't Suck. It Bites!

It's here! It's here! No, reader. Not the Shake Weight® you ordered from Amazon. The day when I can chew again! It's here. My mom made pancakes and my sister cooked up some crispy bacon.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to use my jaw. But being scared hasn't helped me at all so far. Sometimes you just have to go for it if you want to move forward. So I did. And just for you, my dear reader, I recorded it. Here are my first bites...

I'd read on other blogs that people experienced numbness in their teeth. I didn't think I had that. I tapped them a few times with my fingernail and thought, "Seems ok to me." Nope. My teeth are definitely numb. It was like chewing with dentures. It felt weird. Also, instead of food smearing all over my two front teeth, it got all jammed up in the gutter along my cheeks under my molars (in the buccal sulcus just in case my graduate school professors read this and worry that I've forgotten everything.)

The bacon was a no-go. Way too crunchy.

Lunch Day on Chewsday, Day 1

While we were out, we stopped at a restaurant for lunch. I was very nervous, because I had not eaten out in a month and a half. Eating in public?! Luckily, the place was empty. Phew. But I didn't have anything with me – no baby spoon, no tweezers, no mirror, no toothbrush, no syringe. I got the elastics off with my fingers, but had to throw them away because I knew there was no getting them back on without tweezers. The restaurant also only had giant soup spoons which did not fit in my mouth. I had clam chowder (but that didn't work) and mashed potatoes (which I was able to lick from the spoon).  We also had cake and peanut butter pie. Ok, reader. Up until now, I've been dutifully reading labels and rejecting yogurt that had 12 grams or more of sugar. But I buried my face in those desserts and did not come up until they were gone. Yum. Holy crud. I then ordered a warm water, heavily salted it, and flushed my mouth for 10 minutes in the men's room. A to-go box worth of food clung to the sink. In the end I was over-reacting. (Shocker). It all went fine. 


For dinner, my sister made Chicken Ollie. Not sure if I got that name right. But it's a chicken breast cooked with orange juice and grapes and other stuff over rice. It was really good. I ate it the old fashioned way. Everyone was done about 30 minutes before me, but I got through it. Delicious. Who knew mastication could be so much work?! Oh, reader, I'm disappointed. Look it up.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Day 41

Ang and Glenn are a force to be reckoned with. Glenn is a fireman, who also owns his own landscaping business. The two of them came up to work on our parents' yard. It was impressive. They work very hard and collaborate well. Everyone lent a hand. And by everyone I mean, I watched everyone help. Sure. I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous, but I think the rationale is to prevent me from, literally, falling on my face. Well, they did a great job and I did get tired just watching them.

As a side for dinner, I had Brussels sprouts blended with olive oil and plain yogurt. Yum. Highly recommend it.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Day 40

Dinner Time

My sister, Angela, and her husband, Glenn, came up from Virginia. We went grocery shopping. They got shrimp for dinner. I had not-shrimp for dinner. There have been very few times that I coveted other people's meals during this puree period. This was one of them. It looked good and they reported that the shrimp was "cooked perfectly." Whatever I had was "blended beautifully" I'm sure.

I was also freaked-out/ embarrassed the first time I ate with everyone. It took me a while to figure out why. I mean, this was my family after all. Then I realized that we were eating at the table. Facing each other. Talking to each other. I'd been used to eating while sitting side-by-side and watching TV. It makes a difference. Do I apologize each time I drool? I wasn't sure how to act. What is the etiquette for slobbering again?

Playing Cards

My family loves to play games together. We play a lot of cards – Hand and Foot, Skip-Bo, Phase 10, etc. That's always fun. Unfortunately, both my sister and mother are notorious cheaters. Flagrant, malicious, devious, calculated cheaters. And because you read that on the internet, it must be true. So now that's out in the open and I, for one, feel much better.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Day 39

Skinny Jeans – Fat Lips (No, Not The Real Housewives)

There are two ways this post could go. I could pretend to be a thin person and tell you how worried I was about losing weight. There are lots of those blogs around. If you want to read them, go for it. I'll be honest.

I've lost 30 lbs!!! YAY!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!! Suck on that Abraham "Slim" Lincoln!!!!!!

Look, reader. My weight has been up and down my whole life. I realize that orthognathic surgery is not a viable "diet" – excuse me "lifestyle choice." But I'm tempted to stay on puree for another 6 weeks... or years – whichever. I'll be really skinny with a puffy face. At least I can get work as a Renee Zellweger look-alike.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Day 38

Greetings from Pennsylvania

Got up quite early and flew out. It was a remarkably short flight. My parents met me at the McDonalds in the airport. My mother said I looked "almost normal." That's ok. I know I don't look normal. Approaching normal is fine by me. She also asked, "Why are you talking like that?!?!" Um, I guess it has something to do with my face being sawed apart. Or perhaps it's an unrelated coincidence. There's no way to know for sure.

When we got back, it was a whirl wind of events. First we... Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Yes, reader. I fell asleep on the couch. Perhaps for several hours. I keep thinking that I should have more energy because my surgery was a long time ago, but it's probably more related to my diet. Another spoonful of puree anyone?

May We Rifle Through Your Underwear?

That reminds me. I was worried the TSA might confiscate the "blades" of my Magic Bullet. So instead of bringing my blender attachment, I brought the grinder one. It still works on food, but looks less weapon-y. And if they took it, I wouldn't be too mad. Everything went through, though. No problem. That includes my very pointy tweezers for elastics and my metal-tipped syringe for teeth cleaning. All of these were in my carry-on.

Also, no double takes on my former-faced driver's license and my skull didn't set off the metal detector. All-in-all a successful airport experience.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Day 37

Still the Baby of the Family

When the going gets tough, well... I'm not sure what the tough do. Me? I go to Mom and Dad's house. They live in Pennsylvania and I usually rent a car. Since, I'm not really up for a 6 1/2 hour road trip, I bought a plane ticket – a last minute plane ticket. It cost over 5,603!! (That's converted to pesos for dramatic effect). I leave tomorrow.

Spent most of the day just packing and getting ready to go. Searched all over the TSA website to see if my Magic Bullet will make it through security. The jury is out.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Day 36

Got out of the house to meet up with my friend, Suzie. We hung out at the Boston Public Library (pictured behind me). Then we went to the mall. I've been sort of in a fog all day. I got worn out and found it tough to hold a conversation.

Solution? Back to my house for Design Star: All Stars, Bachelor Pad, and RuPaul's Drag U. These were much more in line with my mental state.

Today definitely felt like a little regression – in my speech, swelling, and (minor) drooling. Relaxing on the couch was more my speed. Suzie and I also enjoyed some sugar-free pudding parfaits.

Btw, in A LOT of my pictures I seem to be suffering from Laura-Bush-crazy-eyes. Check out the first version of today's picture, below. Where did they come from?

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Day 35 - 5 Weeks Post

Just one week until I'm back on a "normal diet." My surgeon told me to "ramp up" regarding food. I assume he meant for me to pull a ramp up to the buffet table and go for it.

Other sites suggest that muscle fatigue from chewing will slow me down. I'm pretty sure fatigue is the only thing that ever slowed me down from eating. That – and running out of food.

These six weeks of blenderized food were not bad. The only annoyance was when people wanted to "meet up to grab a bite." It's the social aspect of eating that I miss most.

What am I looking forward to? Anything crunchy, pizza, pancakes, French Fries... Yuck. Maybe I should stay on a blenderized diet. It's healthier!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Day 34

For someone who has avoided pictures his whole life, it seems odd that I'd post a close-up every single day – on the internet no less.

Oh well. Drink it in, reader.

I love orthognathic blogs that include lots of pictures, so I feel an obligation to document my progress.

However, when I look in the mirror, I don't notice a big difference in my looks from before surgery. Except maybe that my eyes look more deeply set (since everything else is moved forward). Other people have mentioned that my profile looks pretty different, so I thought I'd take a picture of that.

In labial news, I've gotten more feeling in the right side of my lower lip. However, while removing my elastics this morning, I accidentally caught the other side of my lip with the tweezers. I pulled up a half-inch peak, but luckily didn't feel a thing. Looked pretty gnarly though.

February 2011

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Day 33

By Day 56 on other blogs, the person talks normally and doesn't look swollen. Now I'm fixated on that day. Come on Day 56!!

Today, I walked the mile to the Apple store, then Starbucks. The lady barrista was clearly put off by my face and speech. She looked absolutely horrified. (I hope she doesn't play high stakes poker, because she will lose all of her hard-earned Starbucks money.) I tried to be extra nice but I couldn't win her over.

Girl: "Mother, the hunchback crossed my path!"
Mother: "Go home. Light a candle."

Reader, I almost forgot. Big news!! When I touch my lower lip in one small spot on the right side, I can just barely feel it. Come on nerves! I reeeeeeeeallllly want to feel my lower lip again. [Here's my old numbness map. Can't wait to re-do it.]

Saturday, August 18, 2012

New Superpower!!

Reader, I can't believe I almost forgot to show you this. It's life changing really. A real "game change" as my friend Suzie wouldn't say. (She hates that expression.) But "no worries." (She hates that phrase even more). But I digress.

Do you remember Elvis's signature lip curl? Prior to surgery, I could only do it on one side of my face. And now I can do it in both directions. (I'm not kidding.) This is totally new. I've been doing it... all... day... long. As we all know, superpowers can only be gained through some kind of accident or trauma. And clearly, I earned mine. Mind reading or flying would've been cool too. I have no idea how I got this new "ability" but I do plan to find a functional use for it. Does anyone have the number for Cirque de Soleil?

Day 32

Ever stand next to someone heavier to look thinner? Me neither, I swear. Ok. So next to Dizzy Gillespie, my face doesn't look THAT swollen. But actually, it puffed up quite a bit overnight. Maybe I've been eating too much sugar and/or salt. Tried to watch what I ate today and enjoyed some (anti-inflammatory) green tea.