New Superpower!!

Reader, I can't believe I almost forgot to show you this. It's life changing really. A real "game change" as my friend Suzie wouldn't say. (She hates that expression.) But "no worries." (She hates that phrase even more). But I digress.

Do you remember Elvis's signature lip curl? Prior to surgery, I could only do it on one side of my face. And now I can do it in both directions. (I'm not kidding.) This is totally new. I've been doing it... all... day... long. As we all know, superpowers can only be gained through some kind of accident or trauma. And clearly, I earned mine. Mind reading or flying would've been cool too. I have no idea how I got this new "ability" but I do plan to find a functional use for it. Does anyone have the number for Cirque de Soleil?