Sunday, June 27, 2010

I Sleep like a Log – Being Sawed by a Rusty Chainsaw.

I have snored my whole life. I'm not talking, "Zzzzzzz." It vibrates the keys sitting on my dresser. I can be heard through walls and I'm told through ceilings. My snoring is a source of anxiety and embarrassment.

I keep people up at night. When I was little I went skiing with a friend's family. A group of us boys shared a room with bunk beds. By the end of the weekend, they were plotting revenge – what should they do to me in my sleep? (Bowl of cold water? shaving cream?) Anyone who sleeps near me spends their night rolling over, huffing, fluffing pillows, and grunting. They feign coughing or loudly clearing their throat hoping to wake me long enough for them to fall asleep. But I don't wake up. If I do, its for about .001 seconds. Frustration builds until they cannot take it anymore. Eventually, they yell, push, or punch me awake. It's jarring to wake up to someone yelling at you. To me it seems like it comes out of nowhere. By now I've experienced it enough (and listened to people recount every detail of how miserable they were) that I have come to expect it. I suppose its only fair for me to have to endure their stories. They had to spend a sleepless night listening to me.

Sharing a room with someone has become stressful. I might fall asleep with a friend, but I will probably wake up to someone who wants to smother me with a Pillow Pet. I make people miserable while I'm unconscious – the ultimate passive aggressive.

I really didn't think anything could be done. But I was given an ultimatum. So, I finally went and talked to my doctor. He referred me for a Sleep Study.

This blog will document the extreme process to stop my snoring.

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