After a little ice cream (but no alcohol or medications), I was dropped off at the Faulkner Hospital Sleep Health Center with my PJs, toiletry bag, and my own pillow.
They played a video to show me what to expect and asked me if I felt sleepy. If I had a certain number of "respiratory events", they informed me, they would ethically have to intervene. So they taught me how to use a CPAP machine in case I had to use one.
Now, I'm lucky that I can fall asleep anywhere and time – instantly. I bragged that I would probably win the prize for falling asleep the fastest of any patient. It turns out they don't offer an award for that. Nothing. I mean how hard is it to print out a certificate? My Sleep Technician wired me up with electrodes, heart rate monitor, and blood oxygenation sensor. When I laid down, you can imagine how weird it felt to be – Zzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, I fell asleep immediately.
Here's the part I was not expecting. They wake you up ALL NIGHT LONG. [Speaker: "Mr. Shull, can you roll over on your side please?] Seriously, "Kssssht – Mr. Shull, please lie on your back now.", "Mr. Shull, left side now please."
Sometime around 1 or 2 a.m. they woke me up because I had exceeded the number of "respiratory events." This was shocking to me. I knew I stopped breathing sometimes while I slept. People have told me that my snoring suddenly stops, then I gasp for air. I had no idea that I did it with such frequency. So they put the CPAP mask over over my nose to force air into my airway. The technician asked me how well it fitted and I said, "WuHOkAY!!" The forced air through my nose made my speech loud and breathy and slightly crazy. It made me laugh, "WuhHahaaHHahaHAHha!!!" which made me laugh even harder.
After several days of analysis, my results were presented by my sleep specialist who told me that I have moderate-to-severe obstructive sleep apnea. On average, I stop breathing 33 times per hour. Yikes. Next stop, an ENT.