Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Happy Anniversary Face! (1 year Post)

Dear Face,

Happy Anniversary. It's been one year of absolute nothing but bliss. Remember when we went to the malt shop and drooled a milkshake together? How about when you made me puree in bed? You're the best. 


Oh. Hi, reader. I didn't see you there. 

Please pardon my little PDA with the face. I've put my one-year post picture at the top for you. I actually made it my new Facebook profile picture. To which a friend commented, "Wow. Scary."

[cue Miss Warwick]: "'Cuz that's what friends are for..."

Actually, in high school I was voted "Most Off Putting" so maybe its not so bad.

So how am I really doing? I still have braces, but everything is lining up really well. They gaps are closing.

I still have two "Fred Flintstone-y" puffy bands from my nose out along my cheek. It may be swelling or it might just be old age. (Guess who just turned 42.)

I still have reduced feeling in my lower lip and top of my chin. I'd really like to get full sensation back. My surgeon said I really will recover for a year and a half. Fingers crossed.

So how do I feel one-year post? That's a tough question. I breathe and sleep better. I can't open my jaw as far as I used to and the reduced sensation bothers me sometimes. I can get food on my chin and not know it. I also still dribble coffee. Re-read this paragraph and imagine being on a first date with me. Sorry reader, I didn't mean to turn you on. (That's my other blog.) In pictures I sometimes think my face looks pulled forward. I'm self-conscious about it.

Congratulations (or How Could You Do This to Me?)

As you may know, my beloved hygienist, Jess, is leaving. The reason is to go to Alaska with her bear-hunting, helicopter pilot boyfriend, Kiean. Or as I like to call it – selfishness. Keyann and I have a lot in common. He has a chiseled jaw and I had someone use a chisel on my jaw. The similarities end there. Ok. Ok, Reader. I know. Yes, I am happy for her. I want her to find bliss with Quion.  

It is actually funny. Letting someone else floss your teeth is kind of... intimate. No. I'm not talking about floss fetishes. (Again, if you're into that, check out my other blog.) I just mean that someone else looks between your gums to see what's all up in there. Omg, Reader. What if the replacement hates TV or only watches QVC? Ok. Let's not panic. I'll keep you updated on the new person. Or as I like to call her, "Not Jess." She won't mind me calling her that, right?

Btw, the pictures off to the right are all taken today. Sorry I do not shave unless I am going to work, attending a wedding, or getting paid by Japanese business men. (Again, see my other blog.)

Ok, Reader. I have to admit. I pulled some before pictures and I do look better post. I guess I just never saw my profile much. I only ever saw my face head on. I guess my career as model for "Rat Boy" is over now. Great. One more unforeseen side effect.

Feel free to post honest opinions below. I can take it reader. Give it to me. (No, Reader. Not like that. How many times do I have to refer you to the other site???)

Some Before Pictures

One year ago today. The way we
weeeeere... The way. We. Were.


  1. I thought you were handsome before. You're even more gorgeous now, inside and out. XOXO

  2. Hey Thomas - I'm a journalist with an open bite, and I'm conducting some research both for my own surgery decision and for a piece of longform nonfiction. Would you please email me at