On Your Nose with a Rubber Hose, Nightly.

So, fun fact. If you don't try a CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) machine, your insurance company might decline your surgery. Read your policy.

My CPAP machine arrived today. The technician was very nice and explained everything very well. (We also talked about Walking Dead. I promised to start watching.)

It has a reservoir to hold distilled water that gives you some moisture and that can be heated. (Bacteria sandwich anyone?) I chose an over-the-nose mask because I couldn't get a seal with the under-the-nose-nostril-pluggers.

See the antenna in the back? Ding, ding, ding, ding, dong, dong, dong, ksh, wee-ooo, wee-ooo. Yes, that's the sound of the modem that send reports on your usage to ensure compliance. If you don't use it, they'll know it. Well, whatever. I am a very compliant patient AND people with apnea say they get great sleep with these.

One last note: my sleep specialist had attended a professional development seminar on Sex and the CPAP. Really? What kind of roleplay can you do with CPAP?

[Cut to...]
Oh no! My mask fell from the overhead compartment. Our plane is going to crash!! But I haven't had sex... yet. (cue music)

Are you as turned on as I'm not?

Happy Anniversary, Braces...

What you forgot our anniversary?! It's like my braces invited their boss to dinner without telling me (and other married couple, sit-com set-ups). I just passed the one year mark with braces. I also met with my surgeon to discuss my progress. He said I'm ready for an orange sheet. For those of you not in-the-know, we "orange-sheeters" are surgery-ready. (I like hyphens as much as I like parentheses.)

My surgery is scheduled for July 17th.

Pre-Op
Our last day of school is June 21st. The next day I go for pre-op. I will meet with the anesthesiologist (I didn't spell that right the first time) and have an extensive history taken. They will take a "face bow" and model of my face.

Oh God. I just googled images for Facebow...

OK. Only one of these is a face bow picture. The other is a picture of me wearing a banana hanger.

Surgery

The final plan is to move my upper jaw 5mm and my lower jaw 10mm. Oh, right and we're also going to go for a genioplasty... um, that's where the doctor plans to MOVE MY CHIN. Yeah that's cool. What evs. I'm not completely freaking out or anything. Dr. Kaban says it will "help pull more tissue forward." And if there's anything I love, it's pulling my tissue forward. But anything to open my windpipe, right?

Here's my latest. Not much to see. My overjet is definitely expanded and my upper teeth are now wider. Oh, and the gap is back. (He's a fighter.)

The Plan

Why I am a Horrible Blogger
Looking over previous posts I realized I've never outlined the plan – what my surgeries will entail. From the picture you can tell I have a Class II Malocclusion (overbite instead of underbite). You might also suppose that the person taking the picture needs surgery to correct their one abnormally shorter leg that causes them to list to one side. But you can read more about that in another blog.

As a side note, I have noticed that the Class III Malocclusion patients (underbiters) have done a much better job with the blogs. Come on Class IIs!!! We have to fight the stereotype of being buck-toothed hicks!!!! For those of you who don't know, the Class IIs and Class IIIs have a fierce rivalry resembling that between werewolves and vampires in the Twilight series. (Almost exactly mirroring it actually. In fact, I am brooding about it right now.)

The Actual Steps
So after consultations with a handful of various doctors, here's the plan:

1. Braces Get braces to increase my overjet (decrease the distance my jaw will be moved in surgery) and widen my narrow upper arch. (done)

2. Wisdom Teeth Extraction Remove three severely impacted teeth early. The gaps left in my jaws need time to fill-in before the jaws are broken in surgery. Also, have excess irony removed. (done and done)

3. Orthognathic Surgery Break upper and lower jaws and move them forward. Set with titanium screws. Use braces to hold in place. My mother is very concerned that I will lose too much weight. I am concerned that I will not be thinner than my arch rival – Abraham Lincoln.

4. Rhinoplasty and Septoplasty Straighten septum. Remove my "dorsal hump." (Before you get excited, that is just the bump on my nose. I am not a mutant, half man/half fish crime fighter. That would be a "dorsal fin". I hope that cleared up any confusion.) My doctor told me that everyone with a recessed chin has a dorsal hump on their nose. Would you like to obsessively look for that on everyone in the subway like I do? Go for it.

Also, when I try to breath through my nose, the sides collapse. So they will remove some cartilage from a rib and use it to strengthen the sides of the nose. (I have encouraged them to remove as many ribs as necessary. While my heart would be largely unprotected, I'd fit into size 29-waist pants. I know. Medical decisions like these can be so difficult to tease apart.)

5. Throw Pillows and Candlesticks The final bits will involve finishing my orthodontics and cosmetic dentistry stuff and I should be a breathing sleeper-through-the-night.

From the Runways to Your Incissors

Ladies, I know you've been waiting for this. The must-have accessory is here. Previously, I have not opted for colored elastics (orms as we "in the know" call them). Until now, I simply went with silver – the "nude" of elastics. This time I went with teal. It's my summer look.

You'll be delighted to know when you select your color, they present a little palette with the options. My concerns: a color that mimicked trapped food in your teeth. Forrest green? No, sir!

What color should I get next? I'm considering a pattern. Rainbow? What should I get?

False Alarm

My surgeon suggested that rather than an infection, my braces may have just seriously irritated the tissue in my mouth causing swelling. I have noticed that my cheeks can rub a bracket and get raw/sore. Alcohol can make it worse. Well, that's one more reason to give up drinking. 45 more reasons and I'm finished!

Check-in #1 Post Infection

My smile is infectious infected. Specifically, my jaw. It's weird for me to have gotten an infection two weeks after surgery after seemingly being out of the woods. So, Dr. Kaban ordered x-rays to make sure I didn't fracture my jaw. Fracture my jaw? How is that even possible. Cut to...

[Ack, ok I asked for the x-ray on my thumb drive, but it didn't work. I'll get the picture which depicts A HUGE HOLE IN MY JAW.]

I'm on a course of penicillin. Let the lack of drinking and irregular bowel movements begin.

Infection

My extraction was more than two weeks ago and everything went well – holes closed. So this was a surprise. They said after the extraction that I was at risk for an infection because the tooth was so deep and the procedure more complicated. At the time they gave me a course of antibiotics as a precaution.

I woke up this morning to a swollen face and bulge in my jaw. I called Dr. Kaban's office from work and they told me to come in right away.

Anyway, I'm back on antibiotics and need to keep a close eye on things. They prescribed exercises to help me get my jaw to open more. For a more detailed medical explanation of this, please consult this not-too-technical and inspirational video.

Two-Days Post Wisdom Tooth Extraction

Recovering from Wisdom Tooth Extraction

I have to admit I am doing much better with this surgery than the previous one.

I enjoyed yet another Fribble today (ordered extra thick with a Peanut Butter sauce rim) with my Fribble-buddies Paul and Maura. I also enjoyed a fairly solid dinner – cheeseburger and fries.

My body seems to be getting pretty thin although my face is quite swollen making me wonder if I am actually the love child of Renee Zellwegger.

Uncanny isn't it?

Wisdom teeth extraction, you incomplete me.

Bye #17

As you probably immediately recall (or can quickly verify on your personal calendar), my last wisdom tooth extraction was March 31. They took two teeth. Today, I noticed that those holes have closed. That's nice because when I rinsed my mouth a salad bar fell out. Braces + Wisdom Teeth holes = nooks and crannies. If I also grow a mustache, I can probably take my lunch to school without a lunchbag.

In preparation for today, I stocked up. Lots of pudding, yogurt, and smoothies. (Last night I ate a calzone.) I learned the hard way to avoid lemon flavored food for a few days. Zing! Also on the way home, Tara (my adult escort) and I stopped for Fribbles at our favorite Fribblerie, Friendly's. I'm already planning to get another one tomorrow. Another cool food I recently found was GoGo Squeeze Apple Sauce. It's only 1 point and frees you from the oppressive need of carrying a spoon. Thumbs up.

I was awake for a good part of the procedure again. I liked listening to the doctors discuss what to do. They said something about drilling a hole in the tooth to grab hold and pull it out. They said it was "more involved" and "very deep". They had to chip away at my jaw to get the tooth out. My surgeon informed me that my recovery may be a bit tougher.

Last time, he gave me Oxycodone. I wasn't sure if that was what gave me the fever and nausea (I barfed). So I asked for something lighter. I went with Vicodin.

When I got home, I ate my Fribble, took a Vicodin, and started up the DVR (I've been saving episodes of Ruby, Taboo, and Extreme Couponing. Quality TV – although I fell right asleep.

I have to admit, so far so good (knock on wood). Less bleeding, less nausea, less pain, but more swelling. I'm pretty sure they surgically implanted Jiffy Pop in my cheek. The left side of my face suggests I might be another Arnold Schwarzenegger love child. (Fingers crossed.)

Bottoms On

 
Before/After
It's been three months since I got my top braces on. Mostly there's been no pain. In the beginning I was a little sensitive, but I got used to it. There has been some movement. Mostly my teeth are just lining up in the arch. The wire seemed a little wimpy. I like my braces to be like conversations about other people's dreams or pets – painful. Seriously, I want my braces to have some kick.

They put on the bottoms and added bands to the top. They also gave me a thicker, stronger wire on top. I'm pretty sure they pulled it off a spiral notebook. It was thick all right. I definitely felt it and my gap started closing right away. 

I had to include this picture because, well, it's kind of hot. You might be saying, "Is that really you? Did you rip a fake pic off the internet?" No, it's all me. Because of the goggles and my extended cheeks, I like to picture me on a motorcycle going really, really fast.

Now, I'm fully braced. Three months down. 15-21 months to go. Next step in the extraction of #17 next week.