Day 21 - 3 Weeks Post

Cues on Tap

Every month there is a social event for people who use Cued Speech. It was great to see everyone and meet new people. They could even understand me even though my face doesn't really move so much. I made a video just for cuers. I've got the facial expression of a Real Housewife, but I also have the lips of one too.

Askew

A concern I raised to my surgeon (and my orthodontist) is that my teeth are a little off.

I know, I know. My teeth have been off my whole life. That's not what I mean. The midlines of my upper and lower teeth don't line up. If you look, my upper jaw looks off to one side.

Can't you just picture the surgeon holding the drill while a nurse stands back and says, "A little to the left. More. More. No back to the right. Um, I guess that's good."?

The surgeon did not seem concerned at all. He said that they line up when I close my mouth. You mean when I can't see them anymore? That's reassuring. When I showed my orthodontist, he looked a little, um, nervous.

When this is all done, I'd love to at least have a symmetrical face. I don't need to look like Jon Hamm, just two matching halves of a goofy guy would be fine. Too much to ask?

Day 20

Got a haircut today. (I wanted my head to look bigger.) Met up with my friend, Suzie. We got burritos and drinks and came back to my place for a little Design Star and Bachelor Pad.

I ate the heck out of that burrito. I scraped the filling into my Magic Bullet (with a splash of water and some yogurt) and blended them into a yummy (but salty) paste.

New Powers

My lips close now. Drooling is down to a minimum. I can drink multiple sips from a cup while sitting upright. So far none of these are Olympic events. (Fingers crossed.)

Still Swollen

Is it me or are my cheeks looking chubby? I guess you are what you eat (baby food) or what you eat with (baby spoon), and maybe even what you brush with (baby toothbrush).  If you think I'm adorable in the picture above, you should see me getting my diaper changed! Oh God, I can't wait to be normal again. Not a complaint. I've been doing really well, but I will really enjoy eating normal food again, with friends, without a mirror, and without re-spooning bites off my lower lip back into my mouth.

(Btw, I don't really wear a diaper – usually.)

Day 19

Dude, Fix Your Face

Let's start with Vanilla Sky. In the film, there was a touching scene that I think captures the dignity and compassion of mankind. Go ahead and click. It's under 20 seconds. Plus, you'll need it for backstory. Thanks for your compliance, reader.

Tonight, Jeff and I went out to a local restaurant – Ironsides. I consider this a huge victory. I drank from a bottle – in the public eye! (I dribbled a little, but I was pretty cool about it. Well, as cool as you can be while dribbling.)

There were two guys across the bar. One was a really charming and eloquent guy who I overhead musing to his friend , "Yo, tomorrow is gonna suck balls, dude!" Anyway, he stared at me FOR A LONG TIME. Eventually, I just left. Later, Jeff told me that the two guys came right over and asked, "What's wrong with your buddy's face?!"

Oh, I'm sorry. If rugged good looks and somewhat slushy speech are wrong, I don't want to be right!

Day 18

Went shopping for our classrooms (Staples, Dollar Store, iParty). I didn't get any major stares. My face definitely goes through transformations throughout the day. At some points it looks fairly normal. As the day goes on it seems to droop and widen – like a melting Richard Nixon.

For dinner we had halibut blended with juice from the pan and some yogurt on the side to "stir in as needed." It was really, really good. It's also high in Magnesium. (Or Manganese, as Madonna would say.) I also had a sweet potato and a little more guacamole. (Holy crap, I love guacamole.)

New skill – I can fairly reliably take two sips in a row now. But I can't get greedy or I get a belly button full of Vitamin Water.

Day 17

Road Trip

My friend Heather graciously invited me to her house in Western Mass. So I packed up my elastics, meds, sprays, mirror, magic bullet and left for the weekend.

The dangerous part is that Heather can genuinely make me laugh. And she did. I spent a lot of time grabbing my cheeks and praying not to rip anything important.

For dinner we had burritos. The beef, beans, and guacamole all got separate little compartments on my plate, but I figured out that stirring them all together was the best.

We went to her grocery store, which is cheaper than mine and has greater variety. They had the Vita Muffin Tops in different flavors, so I got some. They also had 10% yogurt (nice and fatty). I weighed myself at her house and discovered I've lost 18 lbs. so far. Yeah, suck on that, Abraham Lincoln!

Day 16

Shaving

Have you ever shaved a dead face? It feels weird to say the least. Wait, how did you answer that question? Should I notify the FBI? Anyway, it's really awkward. I get really scared around my chin because I can't feel it AND my skin moves in a weird way – like its going to come loose and bunch up like a Shar Pei or that annoying kitchen rug when you do dishes.

Also, probably as a result of rapid weight loss and my face being pulled forward, I am currently suffering from old lady neck! Seriously, it looks like Candace Bergen down there. If I tug at it, it just stays – like meringue.

Sleep

When I sleep, I lay on my back, semi-inclined (so my head stays raised). You know what's weird? Ok, yes, that time you shaved a dead man's face, but you're getting off track, reader. The weird thing is I don't snore – at all. I can just breathe. I guess that's not exactly weird, since it was the point of the whole surgery. It's just so different to me, I'm not used to breathing like this – with so much air and all.

Day 15 (Food!)

Does Your Face Hurt? 'Cuz It's Killing Me.

"Tom," you ask, "How long are you in make-up each morning for your role as the Grinch in the live-action sequel?" Oh, reader. Words hurt. Yes, I realize a small plane could land in the space between my upper lip and nose. What can I do? The swelling continues to subside daily.

Also, many people keep writing to tell me that it looks like I must be in a lot of pain. Well, I'm not. (Thanks, nerve damage!) Perhaps you're in pain when you look at me. But I assure you, I am in no pain. But I am a little hungry.

Real Food

I've found that jaw surgery recipe websites generally stink. Many of them say, "Just about anything can be blended!" Ok. Care to elaborate on that? Well, it's taken me some time to come up with what to blend into food: cream, milk, water, marinara sauce, sour cream, juice, etc. I had great meals today...

For lunch, I grilled up two fresh salmon fillets, then blended them with (a tiny bit of) water and mayo (pictured, left). I had to pull out two seared bits, but it was easy to eat and really good. I also made a sweet potato blended with a small dallop of sour cream. Delicious!

Lunch

For dinner, (clockwise from top) I had grilled scallops with garlic (blended with olive oil and the juice from the pan), spinach, broccoli-zucchini medley (baby food), and some Spanish rice (with extra water). Really tasty. The scallops were blended into very tiny pieces.

I even had pumpkin pie dessert. My favorite – vanilla ice cream, cinnamon, vanilla, Nilla wafers, and pumpkin pie filling. Yum. I'd say I got some good calories in today. 

I didn't mention breakfast, but I had two kinds of yogurt stirred together (one flavored mixed in with thick, plain whole fat). I also made a smoothie with a Vitamuffin, a banana, and milk.

Dinner

I feel like the Paula Dean of puree. "Hey y'all, put a stick of butter in there and it'll slide ride down your swollen mug. Eat up, y'all!"

Sloths Can Hurt You

Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine. Unless, it rips out your sutures, in which case, it's really, really bad medicine. I wanted to post this because I think it's funny. Some friends have told me that I'm really "brave" for posting all this stuff. I told them that whatever that etherial thing is inside you – that thing that makes you worry about how you look, it's gone. Then I realized – that thing is called dignity. Oh well. I guess I won't be needing that anymore.

So, as you know, my face is really still quite numb and I cannot move my lips well yet. I still drool a lot and say things like, "Haffy Virthday!" I was watching Ellen DeGeneres the other day, when Kristen Bell (or Vell as I would say) was talking about her love of sloths. It was really, very funny. But after the story, Ellen played a practical joke on her telling her one was backstage (which almost made Kristen cry) and it made me laugh. I mean, it really made me laugh. My face freaked out. I smiled so hard that, well, it hurt! I thought my cheeks were going to EXPLODE, but I kept laughing and also starting crying simultaneously (not sure if it was from joy or the pain). Luckily, I had enough sense to quickly grab my computer and take this incredibly flattering shot:

Oh, Ellen, you kill me. Literally. Well, it was nice to have my face wake up. Who knew that smile was in there? (Maybe I should put it back wherever it was.) Thanks, Ellen.

Speech Sample #2

My speech is definitely improving. I still substitute sounds that require my lips to come together (i.e., /m b p/). So, I say "voiling fot of gold" for "boiling pot of gold."

Another absolute gem in this video is the charming sight of me drooling. I left it in. It's funny to see me reading away – trying to say all my speech sounds – completely unaware that a steady stream of spit in running down and pooling in my lap. Sigh. I am a mess – a moist, sticky mess.